Welcome to 'Unleashing Canine CounterStories: Exploring Humane Education with Dr. Lori'. I am your guide as we navigate the fascinating world of human/canine relationships. To put it bluntly, it's complicated. But I'm here to help hash it all out!
In this series, we'll examine our interactions with our canine companions and discover ways to build stronger, more empathic connections by considering your dog's perspective along with your own. This is known as Canine CounterStories - taking a broader look into how something that has 'always been' may actually have had another angle to look at all along.
Today we'll explore the profound power of intentional touch through a shared, wordless activity - massage - which fosters deep relaxation and connection. Massage moments can become their own quiet give-and-take conversation, especially in a world where dogs are often expected to just take what is given.
"May I pet your dog?"
This is a common phrase said by adults and (should be) taught to all children before approaching a dog they do not know. It is seen as polite and respectful. And it is. Though mostly this inquiry has to do with whether it is SAFE for the human to do so. The objective is to ensure the approaching person will be OK. A more fitting and reciprocal question may be: 'Would your dog enjoy a more intimate interaction with me as much as I would enjoy it?" Something tells me that long-winded ask may be a harder catch-phrase for people to remember.
Yet the Canine CounterStory and different perspective still remains. There's something about the term 'petting' that seems so...one-sided. Dogs are expected to be the passive recipients of these quick pats on the head, the grabby paw shakes, and sometimes even the lingering, very often unwanted, bear hugs. Whether a dog deals with being 'pet' has nothing to do with whether a person will be bitten or jumped on; sometimes, one may just not be in the mood for all that fawning over from unknown folks over and over. At bare minimum it can be a low-key irritation to an otherwise pleasant day of minding one's business. Think about how much celebrities lose their patience from the constant uninvited attention and bombardment of paparazzi when they are just trying to walk down the street. We might even say they 'bark' back at them sometimes!
So how do we communicate to others that Yes, it is safe, but let's check in and see how Fido feels about it? The ask is appropriate when looking for human to human 'permission', but what about the mutual human-to-doggy 'invite'? Proper etiquette suggests we should check if our potential new doggy friend sends back the RSVP.
This 'check-in with the canine' can be done by observing canine body language. How does this dog feel when your hand approaches? Happy and waggy or stiff and stand-offish? If you stop handling, do they nudge and communicate they would like some more, or do they head in the other direction to show they are glad it's over? If the latter, a good parting phrase such as 'oh, looks like he's done for the day' will subtly acknowledge your dog's feelings about it all. Consent is the name of the game.
The next time someone asks, 'May I DO this?', let's reframe by askng the pup 'What do you think? Do YOU want this?' and listen for the answer. By respecting their agency and choice, and involving them in the decision, it makes the outside world much less unpredictable. The more interactions that show you are respecting your dog's personal boundaries, the more your dog will trust your instincts when it comes to their overall well-being. Outside time can be much more relaxing when there is mutual trust. And one of the best ways to have good outside time is to build the foundation during inside time...
Not every dog will enjoy quick and intrusive interactions from strangers, but many dogs will enjoy long, calming, peaceful connection time from their person. Let's call it a layman's massage. It doesn't have to be professional; it just has to be heartfelt. And once we figure out that your dog is diggin it, the benefits for the both of you can be enormous!
So how can we tell if your dog is on board for this mutually beneficial energy fest? Let's begin with a tactile survey. This is a hands-on assessment to see how your dog responds to touch, potentially identifying any areas of discomfort or sensitivity (and staying away from those).
Start by placing your hands lightly on your dog in various areas without moving, and simply 'listen' to how the body reacts and responds. You are not trying to give a professional analysis, just trying to see the best way to co-exist and 'just be' in harmony with each other. Once you figure out which parts your dog enjoys the most, and you make time to create a shared routine around it, this can certainly heavily contribute to strengthening your human-doggy bond.
And while we want to avoid putting your hands on sensitive areas (anywhere showing tension, discomfort or pain), you can certainly put your hand NEAR these areas (without touching) and visualize calm, healing white light. Let's call this layman's Reiki. :) Make sure you first center yourself so your energy will come through with light, love, and healing. i.e. Do not think about that traffic jam you were in right before you got home.
This can be done at any time of day. Touch can be electrifying and touch can be grounding. I am a big fan of the nightly wind-down massage, but you can also give your pooch a quick massage in the morning to wake up their lymphatic system, starting the day with more energy, perhaps providing a little pep in their step.
Ambiance
Although I am always all about the dogs, this time I am going to ask what YOU like! Because what makes you happy, will make your energy happy. Animals are extremely sensitive to energy, and you are looking to 'set the tone'. Classical music is always a nice touch, but if your heart sings best with Italian opera, as long as it's not at a loud volume, go for it! Think about your preferred lighting also. Your happiness will add to the overall feelings in the room.
Gentle Pressure
You are not looking to give deep tissue massage here. Nor do you want the massage applied so lightly that it annoyingly tickles. Work at this together, always check in to see what level of pressure your dog enjoys best. You will find your flow. I bet you may start to breathe in sync too!
A consistent routine can deepen mutual trust and affection. I am willing to go out on a limb and state if you commit to this, it will become something you BOTH thoroughly look forward to. All the feels, every day??? Yes, please!
Leveling up
So if I have just awakened something inside both you and your dog that feels like massage can be your next big obsession, you may want to treat yourselves and bring in the big guns. Professional massage therapists and Reiki practitioners, specifically licensed and certified for animal massage and/or animal Reiki, can definitely enhance this experience and work through any challenging areas on a whole other level. They will be able to give a more thorough evaluation and hit all the sweet spots for continued successful therapeutic work. Not to mention reinforce that this idea of hands-on connection ends with good vibes all around, from other people too. That way the next time your pup's personal pupparrazzi comes over and asks to have a little snuggle time, your dog may be even more open to it and CHOOSE to give the green light.
#Relationship Goals - Doggy and Me Couples Massages!
Lessons from the (Home) Massage Table
When interactions stem from listening and giving, rather than impulsively taking what you want, they become true language and connection. Here's what Pawsitive Intention looks like:
-
Internal Compass- this becomes a great ritual between you. This bonding time comes from the heart before your hands even make contact. This creates a frequency of safety and peace that allows you both to let go and decompress, together.
-
Silence is loud- you do not need a clicker or treat to communicate. As someone fluent in DogSpeak, I proclaim the most profound thing you can say is whispered through the light gentle pressure of your palms and the connection it provides.
-
No time like the PRESENT- this is where you can leave it all behind. Being in the moment together offers emotional sanctuary. Your daily anchor. It's the doggy version of bath and bedtime. Or rise and shine.
-
Power in a 'sigh'- the success here isn't measured by who will 'SIT', although it is certainly a unique and powerful way to communicate a 'STAY'. Soon you will find both of you delivering a deep, melting sigh- finding your (and your pup's) calm energy. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
How to get started.......
You don't have to commit to a nightly routine. Let's try it out just once. OK, maybe give it a 3-day trial. I bet you'll love it! Give it 15 minutes. Three nights in a row. Just chillin out. Co-existing in harmony. Being home together. Wherever that home may be. Even if its in the backyard.
Find your inner home on this dual journey.
Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh- welcome HOME
