Welcome to 'Unleashing Canine CounterStories: Exploring Humane Education with Dr. Lori'. I am your guide for this blog series where we dive deep into the fascinating world of human/canine relationships. To put it bluntly, it's complicated. But I'm here to help hash it all out!
In this series, we'll examine our interactions with our canine companions and discover ways to build stronger, more empathic connections by considering your dog's perspective along with your own. This is known as Canine CounterStories- taking a broader look into how something that has 'always been' may actually have had another angle to look at all along.
Today we will discuss the power of language and how it is at the core of so many layers to your relationship with those around you.
Language isn't just how we talk - it's how we think, how we feel, and how we act. Dogs feel every word and subsequent action, whether speaking to them, or about them.. And when we change the words, we can change the relationship.
How many times have you heard someone say 'She's being stubborn'. 'He's just dominant.' 'She's very picky.' 'He needs to know who's boss.'?
Just because a mouth utters the words, doesn't make those words true. We all need to make meaning from our surroundings. What if that is just the narrative that was put together to make meaning of any struggles that are being had between a person and their pup? Whether we are saying it to describe our own situation, or someone is explaining their situation to you, those descriptions give some pretty black and white, cut and dried explanations for some very complicated subjects.
When we give what we see in front of us a name, it halts further inquiry. It lets us say to ourselves 'Ah, that's it! it's just THEM. They are the problem. No further investigation required.' Digging deeper, we may just be feeling frustrated and out of control of our surroundings. When not sure what to do, we just self-preserve by shutting it down.
So now that we have convinced ourselves that is what is happening, we then proceed as if this is an absolute truth. But what if there was something else going on entirely? A Canine CounterStory, if you will....
'She's being stubborn'- Sounds like having a battle of wills. If you are insisting on something and the dog isn't necessarily buying into it, they might actually feel YOU are being the stubborn one!
"He's just dominant'- Is there really an epic battle to see who is 'on top'? I am a big fan of co-existing in harmony rather than bossing someone around. If we really self-reflect, how much of that power play is more about human ego? Who exactly is attempting to dominate who? Just something to think about....
'She's very picky' - If your dog spent their whole life being a chow hound, and suddenly they are not, I STRONGLY suggest a vet visit is in order. Typically dogs don't suddenly change course unless there is possibly something out of harmony for them foundationally. It is worth checking out to get a broader picture.
'He needs to know who's boss' - Your dog is smarter than you think they are. They know you are a resource and a companion. They are not employees. You are not their boss. Real connection comes from trust, not power.
The words we choose don't just reflect our thoughts- they create them. Everytime we label a dog with a problematic characteristic, we are pointing a finger at them and no longer asking ourselves 'what are they trying to tell me?' In other words, we stop listening. We start talking instead, and what we say perpetuates what comes next.
So what if we shifted the language? To curiosity, to care, to connection, to LOVE? This language shift can move our thoughts and actions. We start recognizing these behaviors or characteristics not as a character flaw to judge and put a finite label on, but rather as a small part of a whole entire separate living being with its own needs and wants, having their own separate journey on this planet - right alongside yours.
Let's flip the script...and give these common challenging words a Love Language makeover.
'She's being stubborn' -
She's communicating that she is unsure.
She may need more time.
Maybe she doesn't feel safe yet.
She seems to be seeking clarity.
'He's just dominant' -
He is trying to manage his environment.
He's feeling overwhelmed.
He is advocating for his needs.
He's responding, not rebelling.
and my personal favorite:
He's not giving a hard time, he's having a hard time.
'She's very picky' -
She is listening to her body.
She's following her instincts.
She's in tune with her needs.
She is suddenly having a fluctuation of appetite..
(Having this checked out by a doctor is respectful of her body- which honors the dog's whole self- that type of true understanding that something is 'off' and proceeding with care runs far deeper than monitoring the act of chewing and swallowing)
'He needs to know who's boss' -
He needs to know who's safe.
He's looking for guidance.
He is looking for connection.
He responds best to a calm confident presence.
The initial statement creates distance, whereas the subsequent ones invite closeness and understanding. Transforming those common phrases into powerful loving REFRAMES will honor your relationship and position you as the caregiver with the mostest. #RelationshipGoals
So let's break this down:
Thoughts shape your words
Words shape your actions
Actions shape your energy.
And your ENERGY is what your dog will feel long after the words fade away...
Expanding on this beyond words we speak, language is actually EVERYTHING we communicate. Dogs are especially gifted in some of the unspoken language types we often overlook.
Body Language:
Dogs don't need words to know how you are feeling. They are truly body language experts, it's how they navigate our shared world best...
Tone of Voice:
Ever see someone say a negative thing but in a positive sing-song way? The reaction out of your pup will typically be a positive one. The tone sets the mood. Speak gently whenever possible.
Written Word:
Every post that is made, every note on a file, it sets a reputation in motion for how this dog will now be perceived by others. Language is power. Write wisely.
The Language of Time:
Believe it or not, PAUSES can be a language all their own. The true essence of co-existing in harmony. Just sit, just chill, just pause. Together.
This communicates "I am not in a hurry. You matter.' Love Language at its finest.
Paying attention to how we describe our dogs journeys is how Humane Education can integrate into our every day....it really is everywhere, whether you utilize it or not. To summarize: ALL things can be done with love!
So let's choose our thoughts, words, and actions carefully- communicate in a way that invites our furry friends in, not pushes them down.
Because Language is Power. And LOVE Language is the most powerful language of all.
